How I Am Teaching My Brain to SHUT *$#@ UP and Be Present

There are not many people I have met that live in the present moment all namaste.  Maybe that is why meditation is so alluring to me.  I mean, I have certainly met people who are calmer than me (not hard to find), but I don’t think I have met many people that are truly one with the universe.  

When I have met someone who can’t be bothered by <insert anything>—I always wonder what is wrong with them???  What are they smoking?  How do they get to be so chill? I gotta get in on some of that vibe!

Exactly, I need to meditate.

There is always so much going on inside of my brain—kids, work, home and just life. One day I thought that I should begin meditating.  And I can do it right here. Right now. I needed to teach my brain to SHUT THE HELL UP from time to time.  How hard could it be?  

Welp, at first, it was pretty darn hard.  

There are two of me that reside in my head at any given moment. The first one is me, Audrey.  How do you do? The second one is named Audrey 2, of Little Shop of Horror fame. I know, right?!  Here’s the problem- those crazy B’s chatter all the damn time. Anytime I try to meditate it sounds a little something like this:

Audrey:  “Ok, breathe. This is going to be so relaxing. You shall have a eureka moment!  Let’s do this!”

Audrey 2:  “Ugh…my leg is itching. Damn—the dog is itching too and it’s really loud. Do dogs always itch that loud?  FLEAS!  I love dogs!”

Audrey:  “Shut UP!  I mean…NO…honor the thoughts and quiet your mind….

Audrey2:  “I’m hungry.  FEED ME, AUDREY.   Also, should my fingers be in that weird circle sign you see in all of the meditation photos?  I’m going to try that…Huh…it doesn’t feel very natural…dang….now I have a cramp…”

Audrey:  ”Honor hunger thought…we all need food to be nourished… Sit in peace…

Audrey 2:  “You know what else I love?  Tacos. MMMM.  Maybe we will have Tacos tonight. FEEEED ME.”

Audrey: Seriously, SHUT UP!  I mean, honor tacos…”

Audrey 2: “You know what else?  You’re out of shampoo.  And coffee creamer…..”

Clearly my head is a carnival of dogs, tacos and shampoo orchestrated by a large scary plant named Audrey 2.  Welcome to my inner sanctum where nothing very creative lies, obviously.

All joking aside, I am here to tell you that through meditation, I have learned to separate the crazy wild thoughts,  the super creative thoughts, and the to-do list thoughts.  Meditation has helped me with anxiety and depression.  When you meditate you don’t need to know how to do a crazy yoga pose.  You don’t need to drink a green juice with a splash of disgusting. You don’t need to have any special skill.  When you are focusing on RIGHT NOW, really, what do you need to know?  You just have to be quiet.  The practice of meditating teaches you to be aware of all of the chatter that is continuously going on inside.  The more you meditate, the better you get at turning down the volume. I have personally made meditating a priority in my daily routine.  

We have a tendency to miss a lot of amazing opportunities, ideas and moments when our brains are all over the place. I am no expert, but I am a student of life. The good stuff lies deep inside and I encourage you to get quiet to hear it.  And when you hear it—your positive vibes will shine right on through.

And, believe me, if I can do it, you can do it!


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